Practicing self-love with bell hooks

1 John 4:7 x all about love

“Beloved, let us love one another, because love is from God; everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.”

‭‭1 John‬ ‭4:7‬ ‭NRSV‬‬

“All around the world liberation theology offers the exploited and oppressed a vision of spiritual freedom that is linked to struggles to end domination”.

- bell hooks, all about love: new visions

I have always been struck by bell hooks’ powerful theory of love. As a pastor, I have used her words in wedding ceremonies, Bible studies, sermons, even counseling sessions. So, what’s her theory? In all about love, she theorizes love as consisting of six ingredients: respect, responsibility, care, commitment, knowledge, trust. Through mixing and using these ingredients, we concrete render love to ourselves. We give it to others. And we can recognize it as a gift whose source, for the religiously inclined, is God.

This past week, I practiced self-love with bell hooks by crafting affirmations and questions informed by her composite conception of love. I’m sharing it with the hope that it invites you to experiment with self-love within the powerful, spacious theory she offers us.

In a market-dominated society that commodifies, cheapens, and makes a cliché out of love-talk, a relational, holistic view of love is a balm. Indeed, as 1 John 4:7 suggests, the practice of love validates one’s claim to experience and know God. Theologies devoid of love or that downplay love merit suspicion; 1 John goes further, calling such notions lies, or cap, as the young folk say these days. Anyhow, here’s the framework. Let me know what you think!

CARE:

i care about me, exactly as I am right now.

What does it look like for me to experience care in this moment?

COMMITMENT:

i commit to me. from that commitment, I approach others with intention, follow-through, and careful consideration.

How can I express, notice, & foster commitment within the circle of relationships I inhabit?

KNOWLEDGE:

i know me through my emotions, thoughts, and decisions. i am not the persona imposed on me by the narratives and images of the dominate culture.

What happens to my identity when i affirm & know that my selfhood is grounded in divinity & dignity?

RESPECT:

i respect me. By virtue of my birth, by virtue of simply breathing air as a loving God supplies it, I deserve dignity and honor even as I extend it to both people and planet.

TRUST:

i trust me, knowing that self-distrust makes all other forms of trust impossible, undesirable, or unsustainable.

RESPONSIBILITY:

i tend to myself with a responsible, gentle spirit. Within the context of community and solitude, I exercise my inherent power of responsible self-determination.